real friends?

friends. they come and go just like the wind blows. i'm currently writing this with goose bumps all over my body. hhhh .. i feel like i've had enough. at first i said to my self, "suck it in. they are allowed to have another friends. just like you do." but then .. i couldn't take it anymore.

once i thought that this situation is temporary. this won't linger. this will go away. i was wrong. it seems like the beginning has no end. it will flow like the rhythm of the water in the deep blue sea.

sometimes it hurts when fame wins against friendship. is it fame or ego?

both i guess.

oh sure they say, "i'd rather you anytime then them. you know, we've been best friends for 2 and a half years now."

owh F*CK your self !! of course you choose them !! they are far more popular than i am. i am a no one. a loner. a freak!!

you know what. what ever.

they talk to me when they have no one else around. and ignore me, deme me as ... hhhh .. vermin.. as though i don't even exist.

ARGH !! SCREW YOU !!

this is where it ends

As I was folding back the fabric that I used for the exhibit, everything that had happened in the past two and a half years were scattered in my mind. As though it was a documentary movie and flash back images. I could remember the moment when I first landed my first step in my high school, Bina Nusantara High School. I could even remember the very first scent that i smelled when I first walked in. I didn’t know what to feel. Sad. It’s true. I could not lie that it is so hard for me to let go of the memories, friends, experiences, teachers and of course loved ones. Dramatic you say? Maybe I am dramatic. I don’t know. I tried my best to not cry at this moment. I try to convince my self that this is temporary. We’ll meet after the two weeks break. But then after the break, what lies ahead? Final exam for 6 days. Then.. No more.

I regret moments when I prayed to God that He will make time moves fast-er. There were times when I really angry, irritated and disappointed by friends or teachers. There were times when I thought that the pressure was over whelming. Too much. I couldn’t handle the stress. But then as today is the very last day of high school, I kind of wish that somehow time can move back wards or at least moves slower. I wish I recorded every single scene of my days in high school.

Owh, God I just wished that time will move slower. Not this fast. It feels as though it’s just yesterday I first said hello to my first friend, Janivan Sulaiman. Time moves like a blink of an eye. Tears were crawling at this moment. I couldn’t handle this. Weak. I know I am. But I’ve never wished that I would be stronger.

I feel like i've grown a lot, as a human being, as an individual, as a friend and as an artist. These two and a half years in high school taught me a lot. It taught me to love, respect, and cherishes every single thing and person in my life. Oh God, it’s so hard to say goodbye. Harder than thought it would be.

I hate good bye. I do, I really do. I love you, guys. Every single one of you. Sorry for what ever it is that I’ve done that hurt your feelings. I love you dearly.

I just hope that someday we’ll meet again, joke and study together again in the same class room. Let fate and God decide.

Dedicated to all year 12 of Binus High School ( 2005-2007 ).